Chapter 2: The heat thickens

That was a close call, but we saved earth! Was it as good for you as it was for the human race?  My God! What the hell happened down there? It looks like the whole planet has psoriasis.  

She’s right! Leela! You must try the tentacle. It’s like my soul is wearing a velour body glove. Using the twin guns of grace and tact, I blasted our worthless enemies with a fair compromise. We fight this battle, not for ourselves, but for our children, and our children’s children. Which is why I am forming a children’s brigade! Will the following youths please step forward. Captains log. Stardate: National Donut Day. We’re under attack from a ship made of solid fire. All weapons simply pass through and come out the other end. Like that ball bearing I once mistook for a mint. 

Well, well well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?

Let’s just send a text message. Say we’re going through some “weird stuff” right now. Oh, ho, ho! The luscious Captain Leela. This is turning into one very sexy struggle for the future of the human race. 

There’s only one sure fire way into a woman’s heart and parts beyond. I speak, of course, of karaoke.

I like your style, Fry. You remind me of a young me. Not too much younger, mind you. Perhaps even a couple of years older.

Mr. President, I failed to identify these curvaceous banditas, despite hours of staring at their dossieres. Up here in the clouds, our technology makes us invincible. Like the mighty X in tic-tac-toe.  My friends, you can take away a man’s title and uniform, but you could never take away his integrity or his honor. Plus, it was mostly Kif’s fault. My bloodhound-like instincts must’ve hunted them down, while my other parts were throbbing to Duran Duran. Ever since man first left his cave and met a stranger with a different language and a new way of looking at things, the human race has had a dream – to kill him so we don’t have to learn his language, or his new way of looking at things! So, when Captain Leela panicked, perhaps distracted by female troubles, I did whatever I did to save the day.